Really Bad Tarot Reading

What is Bad Tarot Reading?

A quick history: My friend and co-host Ken Boggle used to do a weekly Tarot card reading for the masses via Facebook. One week he was out of town or something and I, for no particular reason other than wanting attention, said I would step into his shoes and do a Really Bad Tarot Reading and post it on Facebook.

Understand that while I collect Tarot decks, I’ve never done the homework to do a proper Tarot reading. On the rare occasions I actually took them out of their packages, I mostly used them for my own meditations or day to day mundane guidance.

I believe in the power that we give the cards. Once I asked one of my Oracle decks what I should concentrate on for the day and the Romance card came up. It was my wedding anniversary and I had forgotten! I might have remembered by my second or third cup of coffee…but who knows.

Anyhow…that first Bad Tarot Reading was very well received. What I loved most was that many of the messages I was getting were from actual, professional Tarot card readers and psychics telling me what a fantastic job I had done creating a humorous advice column just from the interpretation of the art work.

However…some people expressed concern that I was making fun of Tarot readers. One lady said essentially that although I may not mean any harm, Tarot reading is best left to professionals. For a long time I decided that maybe doing them was selfish and I should not take a chance on either hurting someone’s feelings or belittling something that I enjoy so much.

But the requests for more Bad Tarot Readings kept coming in.

Finally, one weekend I happened to be at a rather poorly attended paranormal convention. There was no way I was going to sell enough T-shirts to make my expenses. Having several of my Tarot decks in my briefcase for no other good reason than the house cats don’t bother them in there, I decided to make a small sign and offer Really Bad Tarot Readings in person for a very small price – basically less than I would tip my waitress for a couple of drinks.

I made my expenses! I gave several readings – basically just going back to my original idea of looking at the pictures and making up bullshit. Almost as gratifying for an attention whore like myself, nearly everyone in the building thought my very idea (and crappy hand written sign) was hilarious.

Something else happened though. Some of my “clients” asked actual questions THAT I ANSWERED. The cards actually led me through a series of thoughts that played right into specific situations that they were experiencing. While I had trouble wrapping my head around people coming to me for advice, their responses to the readings told me I was onto something: maybe I can help people get through their problems with humor. Maybe, just maybe, the universe was trying to tell me something.

So, please understand. I really am embracing the Tarot as guidance from above. I am just assuming that God’s plan for me takes into consideration my tendency towards being a raging smart-ass and not following the norm. And of course, as I say during my face-to-face readings “I could be wrong.”(and it’s funnier with the hand gesture)

I will periodically be posting Really Bad Tarot Readings on this website. If you would like your own personal reading just find me at one of my many personal appearances during the year. Additionally, when I do conventions I sometimes am asked to do The Really Bad Tarot Gallery. In this format I give a brief history of my Tarot, give audience members readings, and usually throw in a couple of Really Bad Card Tricks for good measure.

Love is Hard: Really Bad Tarot February 9 2019

First, I want to apologize for not doing my Really Bad Tarot Card Reading the last couple of weeks. Two weeks ago I was on the road all weekend (doing them in person to great fanfare), and last week…let’s just say that the weather had me in a really foul mood and I didn’t feel like it.

But of course, I know that so many of you can’t really function properly until I have shared the wisdom of the cards. Here we go…

This week’s reading comes from the Mystical Tarot. Little known fact: I get some of my best readings from these cards, but it is one of my least requested decks when I am giving personal readings. I think that is because it is not packed in a flashy box and, being one of my older decks, resides in a normal sized, slightly tattered, unassuming box.

But today is its chance to shine!

With Valentine’s Day approaching, I asked the cards to give us all romantic advice: What should we look for in our romantic lives? Continue reading “Love is Hard: Really Bad Tarot February 9 2019”

Look Deeper: Really Bad Tarot January 20 2019

Last week I attended Lexington’s monthly Mystical Fair for the first time in what seemed like ages. While I was there I booked two upcoming episodes of my new web series Body & Spirit and purchased yet another deck of Tarot cards…because that’s what I do.My new deck is the LeGrande Circus & Sideshow Tarot. I like that it is not your typical deck and relies very little on the standard imagery associated with the tarot. The artwork is simple and whimsical, and since my life is a bit of a circus anyhow it seemed like a great fit.

I opened the box, shuffled the deck, and drew a card because that is how we professional tarot card readers do it. Screw all that superstition about touching all of the cards and embedding them with the reader’s energy. Who has time for all that ceremony?

Today’s card is The Knight of Swords.

My reading took me away from the foreground imagery of the guy getting ready to lob a knife at something stage left. Instead my attention was immediately drawn to the shadow. As a side note I certainly hope that all of the cards do not feature spotlights and shadows or my reading are going to become quite homogeneous quite fast.

To me the shadow refers to what is going on behind the scenes in our lives.

We spend most of our time concentrating on what is right before us: the task at hand, the headline of the article, or what seems obvious at first glance.

We need to spend a little time looking a little deeper. There is always more to the story and there are always things going on below the surface that we either ignore or take for granted. It is easy to make mistakes when we don’t have the entire story.

So this week I am telling everyone to put their “gut reaction” to what they see and hear on hold. Let’s all take a moment to look behind what seems obvious.

Opportunity: Really Bad Tarot January 12 2019

For this week’s Really Bad Tarot guidance I chose my second favorite deck, The Tarot Illuminati (which should totally only be said with an echo). I’m fairly new to using the deck, but the imagery is beautifully detailed which makes it easier for me to make up stuff.

I feel we are still on a New Year theme. I see a lot of posts on Facebook from people that seem to be struggling with life. It’s a though the annual “reset button” did not work this time around. Normally it takes us weeks or even months to realize that our year is going to suck yet again.

I drew the 4 of Cups.

Now before anybody Googles what the card is supposed to mean, or any of you know-it-all, actual, real, read-the-instructions and took classes tarot readers start sending me messages about the “true” meaning of the card, let me emphatically state the following: I DON’T GIVE A RAT’S FUZZY ASS WHAT YOU THINK THE CARD MEANS.


In the picture we see a young man whose mother cuts his hair looking down as if depressed. He is surrounded by cups (signifying stuff), yet those cups are not making him happy.

But what he is missing is that God (or the deity of your choosing, or life, or whatever) is trying to hand him what he is looking for. It’s right there. He doesn’t have to search. If he would just get off his ass and embrace it I am sure he would find happiness.

Sometimes we all need to stop worrying about what we don’t have and open our eyes to the opportunity that is readily available to us.

Balance: Really Bad Tarot January 4, 2019

Happy New Year everyone. For the second thing I’ve done to celebrate the New Year, I am finally doing a Really Bad Tarot Reading for everyone.For this week’s reading I chose the Baroque Bohemian Cats’ Tarot deck. I love this deck despite not knowing what baroque nor bohemian mean. I do however know they are real words because I have heard them before and my spell check didn’t underline them. Continue reading “Balance: Really Bad Tarot January 4, 2019”