The Telemarketer


So about once a month for the past year, I get a call from some telemarketing firm to my personal cell phone. They use a different “Kentucky” number every time so I can’t just block them.

I don’t really like telemarketers, but if they have an honest pitch and will take “no” for an answer I am usually civil.

This particular place (I don’t even remember what they are selling: It’s been so long since I let them get to the actual sales portion of their call.) opens the call with, “Hello, is Melissa there?”. When you tell them there is no Melissa at the number, they continue with, “Well, you can help me…”

They never vary from the script They don’t even change up the name from time to time to catch me off guard. It’s always Melissa. I have told them time after time that I do not appreciate their tactics, and to remove me from their list. And yet they call back, once a month, asking for Melissa.

Today I had some fun!

Me: “Hello.”

Telemarketer: “Is Melissa there?”

Me: (shouting) “YOU TELL THAT LYING BITCH THAT IF SHE EVER SHOWS HER FACE AROUND HERE AGAIN THAT I WILL SHOVE A FUCKING KNIFE UP HER ASS.” and hung up.

Yeah, I’ve been watching way too many violent movies¬† lately. On the brighter side, my wife laughed so hard that I am pretty sure she peed herself just a little.

Next time, they will have reached an active crime scene and Detective Forsythe.