Friday The 13th: A New Beginning


An upcoming guest on Scarefest Radio gave me an excuse to revisit one of the Friday The 13th movies, Friday The 13th Part V: A New Beginning (available for rent on Amazon Prime).This is NOT a review of the movie. This is just a few observations that I made while watching it. I seriously doubt that anything I say at this point in time is going to spur any great surge in downloads nor a lack thereof.

If you’ve lost track of which Friday The 13th movie is which, this is the one where Jason hacks his way through the Crystal Lake Farm for Promiscuous Teenage Girls.

I will admit that since the first time I watched it, I had forgotten that the opening scene was a dream sequence. All I could think about was how lax the burial laws were in that jurisdiction what with the shallow grave, cheap pine box, and obviously poorly seeded topsoil. But alas (is it too late to say “spoiler alert”?) dreams are not bound by such.

Oh my God, is that Corey Feldman?

Our protagonist for the evening is Tommy. Tommy had some issues dealing with killing Mr. Voorhees in part four we are told. So now Tommy is transferring from a mental hospital to a halfway house. If you didn’t know, mental hospitals had very lax rules in 1985. This is illustrated when Tommy shows us his impractically large pocket knife. In 1985 mental patients were allowed to carry huge pocket knives. Now I can’t walk through an airport with 8 ounces of toothpaste. The times they are a changing.

The movie goes on to regale us with the usual nonstop series of grisly murders – a couple of which were strikingly imaginative. This time around, the identity of the murderer is kept off camera so that we can speculate on whether Jason has crawled from his grave, whether Tommy is channeling him, whether the black grandfather character is just tired of everyone’s shit, or if some other wildcard has come into play.

As I mentioned, this movie was released in 1985. What I found most disturbing about it was that had the look of a movie made recently to look like it took place in 1985. The set pieces and hairdos were eerily stereotypical 1985. About the only things missing was one of those brown and tan flower-pattern wood-frame couches and a boom box the size of microwave.

Except that I distinctly remember more bras. I’m not going to count movie breasts like my friend Joe Bob Briggs, but there were definitely more bras in my 1985.

My truly random takeaway for today is that I have no talent at buying chainsaws. I have never, in my life, living on a farm, even having a wood stove at one time, ever owned a chainsaw that started on the first pull.

And my first horror movie survival tip for the evening is to learn the “double tap”. Whenever you kill the villain, kill him again.

My second is to kick the fucking ladder. Trust me.